Wednesday, December 28, 2005


Do folks wave at ya where you live ?? We got some SERIOUS wavers around here.. Ya'll know that I live on the "Drag" in town..
We got, giggle giggle, a guy in town, he he he , that HONKS at everybody he knows, and a lot he aint ever seen before.. I call him "Honky" .. I've known him for at least 35 years.. His brother Bill, and him used to pump gas at the Texaco Station at the corner by the High School, years ago...
Around here we called em a "pair" .. Mutt and Jeff, Frick and Frack, Pete and Repete .. You probably have em in your neck of the woods too..
Did I mention that Bill was a "hair lip" too ?? You'd pull up to the pumps and ol Bill would run out out and when you rolled down the window, he would ask "YOU WANT SOME GAS" !! I guess you had to be there ..
Bill and his brother Honky(his name is actually Donnie) were both in WW II and came home "shell shocked" .. Bill also had a large chunk of shrapnel in his hip, and Donnie has a plate in his head.. Bill has passed on now, but ol Honky still gets in his little red Ford and passes thru town regular.. I always try to be the first to see him and wave and holler at him.. I like ol Honky.. I can relate to him.. Imagine that .. he he he
Ol Honky aint the only friendly person we got around town tho.. A whole bunch of folks wave atcha.. Course, we got the ones that will damn near break their necks tryin to yank their head around away from ya if they see ya wave at em too..
I guess I'm one of those wavers too.. I'll be nice and friendly once or twice.. The rest is up to you ..

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Thank You Jesus

Today was an unequaled success at my house.. Turkey was great.. Ham was great.. All the stuff with it was great.. The kid had a great day.. The Mrs, (I think) had a great day.. So, with all my family havin a great day at my house, I had a great day too.. Life is good at Redneck Central on 12-25-05..
I got up extra early today and started the ham cookin, thinkin it would be done early and we could have a mid mornin snack of eggs and ham, but the Mrs. vetoed that idea and said to just get it ALL ready and have an early dinner then graze the rest of the day.. That kinda ruined my plans of takin it slow and easy tho.. I survived it.. I made yeast rolls and they turned out MY-T-FINE.. Almost as big as a softball too.. Man those suckers could hold a LOT of butter !!
I finished my first plate-full and went and had a power nap, then came back for round 2.. I still havent made it in there to have a big piece of spice cake with cinnamon swirls in it tho.. I'll probably make a jumbo glass of sweet milk and about half that cake disappear for my midnite snack.. In fact, you can count on it..
We had just dished up when the phone calls started.. My baby girl was gettin pissed too.. The Mrs. was screwin around on the phone, and she wanted to chow down on some broccoli w/ cheese sauce on it(her fav).. She never hesitated at anythang on the plate either.. Thats a new one too.. She usually picks out 2 or 3 thangs that she wants and that is all she is gonna eat.. She ate the candied sweet taters too today.. They were extra good today tho.. She ate a good batch of the maple and brown sugar and hickory smoked ham too.. She dont care a lot for ham, but she ate her share.. The ham was my favorite today for some reason.. It just fit my taste buds with the sweettaters.. Looks like everythang was the Mrs.'s fav !! She ate till she almost got sick, then kept goin back nibblin off her plate.. I had to threaten her with the flyswatter before she finally stopped..
Some kids close to me got new bikes this mornin.. They have made a nervous wreck out of me this afternoon.. They come around the block and onto the busy street in front of the house and never stop to look for traffic.. One looked to be about 6 years old, maybe.. It was all I could do not to go out and stop em and eat their ass out and tell em to stay off the busy street.. They were all wobbly still and fell a couple of times on the side street.. Thank God.. The bikes were actually too big for em.. Some folks just dont value their kids lives very much..
I noticed too, a coupla teenagers got new cars yesterday, and have been tryin to learn how to drive a standard shift.. Kinda reminded me of Richard Gere in the movie "Pretty Woman" ..
I'm fixin to go top off a real nice day, and have a ceegar on the porch and thank about some thangs.. I may try to call my Mama, but I know it will only bring us both down if I do.. Dont start thinkin bad about me, cause I have called her and she has called me several times the past coupla weeks.. I think it can wait till tomoro.. Then we could have coffee together in the mornin..
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good nite..

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Let The Cookin Begin

Get your injecters out and get the sauce made for em to start shootin-up your bird.. Get that marinade on the ham.. Make sure you got all the recipes ready that you are gonna use tomoro.. Have ya got all your cornbread made that you are gonna use in your dressin yet ?? Dont forget to use fresh sage too.. Never use old sage.. Have you got your breakfast in the mornin planned so that it dont disrupt your cookin schedule ?? Have you got your flyswatter handy to get the damn kids out of the kitchen, and any stray husbands and wives that get in your way?? Gotta have one of them ready for action ya know.. Better hide the chocolate pie and the cake with the cream cheese icing too.. If ya dont, some smartass is gonna be leavin finger prints in it.. Have you got an extra jug of tea made up yet ?? You are gonna need it after they eat all that ham.. I hope everybody has a glorious meal and lots of good times tomoro.. Best Wishes from my humble home to yours.. Merry Christmas.. The Son of God is coming.. Rejoice and be full of merriment.. Happy Birthday Jesus..

SIC 'IM !!

(remain calm, cool, collected Bill) NOT A FUCKIN CHANCE !! Bout 2 weeks ago, my Mama sent my kid a card and stuck cash in it for her Christmas present.. 2 weeks ago !! Never have gotten it.. Somewhere out there is a scum suckin worthless piece of shit with my kids Christmas Present, and my Mama is near tears.. Not only does my kid not get to enjoy the happiness of the gift, but my Mama has had her Christmas ruined too.. I dont know which makes me madder..
I would have just told Mama that I got it, but she would have asked about the card, which was chosen with love too, and I wouldnt have known what to say.. She sent a LOT of cash tho !! HEY, she is 85, so dont give my Mama any lip !! She dont understand the new technology that thieves have today.. Well, she does now after I told her..
Us kids got together and decided we needed to talk my Mama into moving away to be close to my sister, and away from my Daddy, who was becoming more violent due to his altzheimers disease.. That was before Daddy died.. Now, my sister is gonna go be with her kids, out of town, and my Mama is gonna be by herself for the Holidays.. Her neighbor and best friend is gonna be gone to her daughters too, so my Mama is gonna be alone..
The last time me and Mama got to spend Christmas together was when Daddy died on the 20th of Dec. and we buried him on the 22nd.. That was the year that the terrible ice storm hit.. We sat and had hot chocolate and talked and told stories by the kerosene lamp, with no electricity, and listened to the tree limbs crackle and fall around us..
I surely do miss my dear mama and wish we could be together.. With just that one thing, all would be forgotten.. Then, I could say "fuck the money" !! Now I just say, "fuck the Grinch that stole my kids Christmas and broke my Mama's heart" !! Sorry bastard !!

Friday, December 23, 2005

Defensive Drivin

It seems that I have had a few folks wind-up here lookin for tips on drivin in Texas..
Just so happens that me and the Mrs. was on a little beer-run yesterday and we had a little talk about that very thang.. Here in Texas we have a little thang called courtesy that some of us use.. HEY, I did say SOME of us.. We have a lot of our roads in fairly good condition and they also have shoulders on them.. We also have a lot of old folks that think they can still drive in a fashion that is acceptable to the rest of us folks.. The rest of them old folks that still drive are like Maxine, and they just dont shive a git !!
I see a bunch of the old folks pass by the house and I know they are headed out to the nearest wet spot to get a totty or a coldbeer and I can almost set my watch by some of em.. These folks drive a LOT slower than the rest of the traffic and will pull over on the shoulder to let faster traffic pass them, and still trudge along at their usual speed and never have to slow up or risk gettin their ass end rearranged by a BIG TRUCK.. The common practice is to crowd the center line and pass on by em and then give a big wave to em to say "thanks" .. We do a lot of wavin here in Texas too, so if ya dont want to get called an ugly name, or worse, then just wave back.. A smile would be nice too..
Bout the best advice to folks that are new to drivin in Texas is to remember that "HE WHO HAS THE BIGGEST TIRES, HAS THE RIGHT-OF-WAY" !! To defy this rule can result in serious bodily injury..
With all that said, I just hope that EVERY driver that takes to our roads here will just take the time to slow down and leave a little larger margin for error while drivin.. The life you save may be your own.. Another fact you might want to take into account is that we have the largest population of drivers that are ARMED !!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Are We There Yet ??

Right now, somewhere in this country, is a kid in the back seat of a car sayin "are we there yet" ?? Probably gonna be thousands, maybe millions of em before the Holiday is over.. Sure glad I aint gonna be one of em.. I dont like to travel during the holidays.. Not even the 4th of July.. People are rude and hostile during holidays.. Thats just a "given".. Always have been, so why would anybody want to get out and go somewhere just to have some asshole waitin around to screw up your vacation ?? I guess its just part of the trials and tribulations of life tho.. Just not part of mine.. It has been tho, so dont go startin to think that I aint paid my dues to parenthood.. I have the scars to prove it too..
As a kid, were you ever hauled off to a relatives house, made to eat strange food, and to sleep on a (too short) couch that was usually used by their cat as a bed in a stuffy, musty room that was always way too cold ?? Taken away from your friends at a time you were all out of school and had all kinds of neat new shit to play with ?? Couldnt watch TV cause there was a never ending string of football games on the ONE set that worked ?? And every time you started out the door, Mama would yell at ya "what you doin ?? where you goin ?? you got your coat on ?? stay away from the street .. dont get dirty .." .. All the while your standin there with the door open, and someone would always yell at ya then " shut the damn door, I'm freezin" !! Like it was your fault that you had to stand there with the door open while bein interrogated..
You may have scrimped and saved for the last year to be able to buy everything beyond your kids wildest imagination, but that dont make it right for you make them miserable afterwards.. Let them just be kids.. They dont get to be kids for long anymore.. Let them enjoy it while they can.. You might find that it makes it a little easier on you too.. And THATS a good thang..

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Just Caint Be Nice

To SOME people, that is ..
Old fella walked by earlier and came to the door and asked if he could pick up some of my peecans.. He didnt look like somebody that could afford to go and pay "high-dollar" at the store for some, so I told him yes, thinkin that he wanted to get enuff to have his Missus make a peecan pie for the "Big Dinner" .. Evidently he wanted her to MAKE THE WHOLE FUGGIN TOWN one too !! He left, and a little while later I looked out and he had a 20 foot pole and a chunk of my firewood and was commencin to thrash the shit out of my tree.. And by-the-way, he was drivin a gotdam Escalade when he came back !! Now then, some asshole that drives a fuggin Escalade, has about 20 pounds of FREE peecans, and I've got limbs and leaves all over my damn yard to clean up!!
Sad part is, this has happened before, but not by the same guy.. So I guess I have to assume from now on that they ALL are gonna do this, and somebody is gonna get pissed at me and call me a Grouchy, Old, Fuggin Cripple cause I'm gonna tell em to GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY GOTDAM YARD next time!!
Merry Christmas Ya'll... snicker snicker snicker

Monday, December 19, 2005

Braggin Rights

In my last post I was talkin bout 6 inches of snow givin me the Christmas Spirit.. Well, my buddy Joe Citizen has supplied the snow(in pics), now all I gotta do is get the Spirit.. Ya'll really should check out the pics he has over there.. I knew he was good, but I didnt know he was that damn good !!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Tastes Like Chicken

My Baby Girl has had a good day of Pop's cookin today.. I fixed bisquits and sawmill gravy for breakfast, and she pigged-out.. She snacked for dinner, then I fixed liver and onions smothered in brown gravy and had mashed taters with it for supper.. Usually, 1, maybe 2 bites of liver gets past her lips before the gag reflex kicks in.. Not today!! I got my plate and came in to my table, and the Mrs. was lettin her and the kids plate cool for a minute while she buttered her bisquits, and when I came in the room, the kid was eyeballing my plate, so for the hell of it I said "CHICKEN" .. The Mrs. couldnt get the plate in here fast enuff then.. Them girls wiped out the liver and onions, the mashed taters, and sopped up the gravy with the bisquits.. Looked like Miss Minnie Pearl had licked it clean.. The little one kept sayin "good stuff Pop" while she was eattin.. Makes my little heart feel good when she eats like that.. Have you tried to get YOUR kid to eat liver lately ?? Ask me real nice like, and I might give you the secret recipe !!

Friday, December 16, 2005

A Lost Cause

I've just about give up on ever gettin the Christmas Spirit this year.. Without lookin out the window and findin about 6 inches of snow on the ground, I think it is a safe bet that I'm just gonna be a grouch this Christmas.. The Mrs. wants to put up a tree.. A PLASTIC tree.. That would be like sex with Paris Hilton.. While wearin a dozen rubbers !! Is that FAKE enuff for ya ??
I never did see my Daddy with the Christmas Spirit in him either.. Not even with the biggest part of a fifth of Jack Daniels down his gullet.. Only time I remember him sayin HO HO HO, was when he got sleepy and was yawnin..
My Mama was a different story tho.. She kept it in check, up until the day she got in the kitchen and started cookin THE BIG MEAL !! She would hum, and sometimes sing to herself.. She would work till she sweat, but it was a labor of love.. I loved bein in the kitchen and helpin Mama cook.. I guess thats why I cook so much now.. I remember the times we would get elbow to elbow and arms flyin while we made somethin ooowy and gooowy.. It seems to make the memories of that more real when I'm in the kitchen and the aroma of something really good is in the air.. Needless to say, I have a bunch of Mama's recipes that linger on.. I've developed a bad habit of cookin something just to smell it cookin tho..
I havent really started my cookin yet, so there may be hope for my Christmas Spirit yet..

Thursday, December 15, 2005

When The Music Died

I have stacks of old 33 1/3 LP's.. I have originals that date back to 1936.. Even tho Modern Tech has been around for about 20 years, you still cant get stuff I have on LP's in today's modern format.. If ya wanna hear it, you gotta use 1950's and 60's appliances.. Problem is, is that mines broke !! My turntable is no longer in working order.. Dead.. D.E.A.D. !! I'm too much of a tight-wad to go buy a new one, and ones at garage sales are in almost as bad a shape as mine is.. Good thing my 8-track still works !!
The shit they call music today just dont cut it with me either.. We only have AM/FM in the car and no disc, so the "scan" button is almost warn out.. I'm sick-to-fuggin-death of some piss-ant, pimple-headed turd whose voice is changin, that thinks he can sing.. All the girls want to do is scream..
We have an oldies radio station here, but their idea of oldies is Reba and Wynona Judd.. Yep.. Bad music meets bad D.J. !! SUX !! You'd think they could at least do right with Christmas music.. WRONG.. You ever heard Gomer Pyle sing White Christmas ??

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

More Pinball

Now, maybe, I can wrap this up..
What brought this up is that an article that I read said that the complications of modern day games have frustrated kids to the point that they are violent.. It just didnt sit right in my mind that that was what it was.. I even have serious doubts about kids even bein more violent today than in past years..
I believe that the violence hasnt gotten more serious or harmful, but that the violence has gotten more concentrated due the expansion of the population..
Like I said before, I went to the Oklahoma beer joints and pool halls.. That started when I was 13 !! At 14, I got a car and had a business of my own, and I more or less, did what the hell I wanted to.. In fact, I had 2 businesses.. In 1972, I had a wrecker service (think about Cooter on the Dukes of Hazard) and a mechanic shop, plus I sold parts from cars I had salvaged.. When I wasnt busy with something in MY shop, I would go out to a friend of mines lawn mower shop and rebuild lawn mowers for him..
I usually had money.. I usually had beer, wine, and whiskey too.. That meant that I usually knew where I could find a fast woman at too.. You put all these together and you could bet your ass I could also find trouble at the drop of a hat.. Whether I wanted it or not !!
I was always in search of a good time, but some folks just dont like havin a good time for some reason.. Either that or they get their good time from from fuggin with someone that IS havin a good time.. I had a bad habit of runnin into folks that considered their territory "NO FUN ZONES" !! School turned into one day in the principals office after another, so I quit !! That wasnt good enuff for some other kids, and either I was gonna have to kill em, or I had to get out of town..
Lets just say that I didnt have to leave town, and I'll leave it at that ..
But there has always been trouble.. Now tho, folks think they have a free pass to do it, for one reason or another.. Its still not any different than when I was younger.. I have made one observation that is gonna totally piss the girls off tho.. I have noticed that men dont kill each other over women like they used too.. I think I'm gonna leave that sleepin dog lye tho !!
OK, now I'm gonna try to tie all this together..
I have played pinball a lot of years.. In fact, I played it until the early 80's.. Never did I ever get into even a fight over a pinball game.. Lots of money was bet on some of those pinball games too.. Pool games are a whole nuther animal tho.. Video games were never a question in the occasion tho.. I've seen kids get into shovin bouts over a video game, but thats all.. I've searched thru my mind over and over and caint find a connection between video games and the "so called" rise in violence..

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Pinball Machines

I know that most of you "punks" out there are just too damn young to ever have had the plaesure of doin battle with a pinball machine.. In my misspent youth I was a regular in the pool halls, and yes even over in the Oklahoma beerjoints.. This is probably gonna be a long one kids, so get ready to stay awhile..
My last period in school was either gonna be study hall(I fought with the teacher all the time), Band( I'll just say it sucked), and sports(mom and dad vetoed sports).. For a time I enjoyed bein a manager(mostly rehab for and tapein and bandagein injured players) for the football team.. I got to make all the games on the sideline(friday nites out of the house,garawnteed), and either the players were nice to me or I would "hurt" them(looked cool bein respected by the jocks), and I got to wear an official team jersey(cheerleader recognition) !!
I got thru football season and actually got my folks talked into lettin me play basketball that year.. Back then the girls and boys team would share a bus to out-of-town games.. So, I got to be friends with some of the girl players and on the ride home would often get the pleasure of an athletic young lady resting her head on my shoulder while she napped..
Girls are girls, but a mans gotta be a man sometimes.. I thought that year was the year for me.. I dropped sports and of any kind, skipped last period study hall and hit the poolhalls.. Me and another buddy or two would go to old, wood floor, musty poolhalls and shoot pool while old men played dominoes or cards near-by.. I got perty good on a regulation table..
Bout that time I realized that shootin pool was a lot better if you were havin a good coldbeer at the time.. That started my regular trips across the Red River(18 miles) to the trusty old beerjoint that served damn cold longneck beer and a cheap draught beer.. Keep in mind I shared this place with a bunch of grown and rowdy loggers and Indians and truck drivers.. Not zactly Sesame Street here !! Back then it cost 75 cents for a longneck and 25 cents for a draught that must have been about 16 ounces, if that tells ya how many years ago this was..
I should have had a good idea how my life was gonna go back then from the events that happened then..
This place was the kind that old western movies remend me of.. Fights break out often and will spill out into the parkin lot and end with a shootin or a dandy fight.. One time a guy got took outside and had his ass whooped real good, then he unloads a 12 gauge thru the windows of the place as hes leavin.. Gary Stewart, Merle Hagard, and Billy Joe Royal played a steady rythm from the jukebox too.. The pinball machine was always busy with a waitin list as long as your arm.. A game of pinball was a dime back then.. Those loggers that were to drunk to play pool would bet whole weeks checks on a game of pinball.. Their checks werent nuthin to sneeze at either..
I graduated from the Oklahoma beerjoints to the the big city of Paris, population 12 thousand.. Paris had a bowlin alley too, and that became my new hangout for a while.. Pool tables, pinball, and bowlin.. No beer tho.. I did say "for a while" !! Thru the bowlin alley I got acquanted with some folks from the area and learned of the Sand Bar at the lake about 15 miles out of town towards Oklahoma.. Keg parties and trash-can punch and killer dope (that cost around 20 bucks for an ounce) and weekend-long parties became my new weekend home.. The coast has beach bunnies, and Texas lakes has some damn fine lookin honeys that go to them too..
Pinball machines kinda skipped my mind for a few years, and a few years after pinball was when Atari(tm) came out.. Pong and pinball were their first big sellers that I know of.. It was the first I had anyway..
My point in this is to find out when the last time ANYONE reading this played pinball .. REAL pinball !!