Monday, November 28, 2005

Its A Kid Thang

I'm not just real sure yet, but I think that to really enjoy Christmas and get the Christmas Spirit, you have to revert back into part of your childhood, or see it thru a childs eyes..
In the past few years I have gotten older and slower, and so I have tried to act more my age.. Sometimes by choice, sometimes not.. Its hard to take that kid inside me and hog tie him and duct tape his mouth and put him in the closet and just let him out SOMETIMES.. Its too hard to get the little shit in there in the first place, so I damn sure dont want to be lettin him out.. AT ALL.. But, I think that if I dont let that kid out for a while he may wither up and die on me.. I really dont think I want to live the rest of my life without that kid comin out every now and then.. Guess I'll have to figger out a better way to get him in and out of that closet.. I'm just worried that the mean little shit will hog tie and duct tape the "ol fart in me" and stuff his ass in the closet !! That might not be such a bad thang either.. Dont be surprised if you come here and find some kinda shit that looks like a little pimple-headed fugger wrote tho.. Matter-of-fact, I'm feelin thirsty for a big cup of Kool-Aid all of a sudden..

Friday, November 25, 2005

Not In The Mood

I caint get into the mood this year for the Holidays.. It got even harder today when I saw the photos of old folks that had been trampled at some store by heathens trying to get in to buy the latest electronic gizmo on sale.. I hope the bastards get home with it and the damn thang dont fuggin work !! AND, caint get their money back.. Fuggem !!
Last time I ran into one of those kind of assholes, I went to jail and the other guy went to the hospital.. Guess that explains why I dont shop at Wal-Mart much anymore..
Maybe when the weather cools off some more I'll finally get into the spirit of the Season.. It was still 74 degrees here yesterday tho.. Gonna be cooler and get some rain(I hope) in the next few days to a week.. Been a real long time since we had any measurable rain here.. Sure is dry, and the wheat crops are sure gonna be hurtin.. Corn, soybeans, nothin made a crop here this year..
Its been so dry that I havent even tried to go to the farm or to the woods in a long time.. Caint have a fire outside, so whats the use in goin if you caint have a little toe-fire(as my Daddy used to call it).. Damn skeeters and flies will eat ya alive if ya get outside..
I guess when it cools off, and I turn the outside lights on, and get the tree out and get it ready to put up, then maybe I'll get into the Christmas Spirit.. I'll try if you will !! HO HO HO

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Talk Turkey

If ya want a great turkey, you gotta have a wood stove.. Thats all there is to it !! I've been cookin turkeys for over 30 years and it never fails that the ones cooked on a wood stove will beat all the rest hands down.. Of course it helps to have a cajun injector too.. I dont want no tough-ass fried bird either.. Dry as a powder house and dont always taste all that good.. But thats just my educated opinion..
I guess that you can tell that my chest is a little puffed-out tonite.. I done myself proud today on my feast I fixed.. There is about enuff left of the turkey to make a sammich out of and thats a good sign.. Gonna be some happy cats outside my back door tomoro..

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Defensive Driving

Sunday mornins are like NASCAR around here.. During the week you see little ol ladies leading a parade of cars thru town, not in any hurry.. Come Sunday, 5 or 10 minutes before church services start, LOOK OUT !! There are 2 churches and a donut shop on my edge of town a little past my house, and you can hear the ROAR of the big Lincoln's engine when she leaves the red light in town, and you can get a glimpse of the little white-haired lady driving while lookin THRU the steering wheel as she streaks by.. There is also a church a couple of blocks behind my house, and honest to God, I have seen cars filled with family, turn the corner almost on 2 squeeling tires !!
If you have ever had the pleasure of seeing the butcher bring out the last box of roasts on-sale at the grocery store, you will understand what I'm talkin about, when I talk about the drivers here on Sunday mornin..
I've got a black-folks church a couple of blocks in front of my house too, and I like to sit on the front porch and watch all the "hats" go by headed that way.. You can smell the "foo-foo" from them sistas a long time before you see em too.. Sometimes when the wind is just right, you can smell the church from 2 blocks away !! If the pastor has one of them "hellfire and brimstone" sermons that day, you can tell when they open the doors after the service, even if your up-wind from it.. But them hats is the kicker.. They got feathers and veils and ribbons and rhinestones and glitter and bout anything that could be put on a hat, is on there, and in colors that I'm real sure aint natural.. You can always tell the sista with the "new" hat too.. She is gonna be the loudest when she gets out of the car.. She wants to make sure EVERYBODY sees that hat !! Now, the girls are a different story.. The girls thang is shoes.. The flashier the shoes, the shorter and tighter the dress !! Gotta have folks notice them shoes you know ..

Saturday, November 05, 2005

The Countdown Begins

I heard on the radio today that it now is 9 weeks till Christmas.. I officially began preparations for the "season" today.. I sat out in the yard today and did the annual "crushing of the beer cans" .. Better not be anybody try to armrassle me for a while.. The crushing of metal with a BIG hammer does seem to relieve a lot of frustrations too.. I plugged in the lights around the porch(mine stay up all year long) to see how many new bulbs were gonna be needed this year, and I lucked out and dont have to change a one, yet .. Somethin about the ones on the side of the house tho.. I nearly have to put new bulbs in them every day they are on.. I didnt test them today tho cause I didnt want to spoil the moment..
The Mrs. went to garage sales today and left me by myself, so I took Miss Minnie Pearl out and tied her to a tree close to me and lit a cigar and sat and loved on her and smoked to my hearts content.. Life is good !! To top it off, the Mrs. came home with a handful of snot rags and a coupla cool t-shirts.. Just keeps gettin better ..